14 days

That is how long it takes they say to loose your hair from your first infusion. I was fixated on that date as soon as we started, knowing I would start to loose it on or around The 26th. I got my hair cut short SHORT this past Monday so that when I lost my hair it would be more of a gradual transition for Thomas (long hair to short hair to no hair). My mom held Thomas on her lap next to me while the hairdresser cut it so that he could see what was going on. He was very intrigued towards the end when it got really short, but after it was done I was still Mommy and he was still happy with that. Then to be honest I kinda forgot all about losing my hair. So I was surprised last night when while playing on the floor with Thomas he leaned over a pulled a handful of hair out. Oh right.....here we are at 14 days. A little part of me was bummed.....that same little part that kinda hoped after surgery they would say "whoops total mistake, we took another look at the tumor and it's NOT cancer!" so that little part was thinking....well maybe I won't lose my hair? But alas here we are, hair is starting to fall out every time I touch it.

I had infusion number two today. It went a little differently. They lowered my steroid dose since I was sleeping like a meth addict, so they figured they would give me some relief there. And about 30 seconds in to getting the "A" drug I got nauseous....really really I might puke all over you nauseous. Julie, our nurse, stopped administering it and gave me more anti nausea drugs into my IV. My mom brought me saltines. The moment passed. Onwards with A, this time less nausea. They also slowed down the drip on the "C" thinking that is what caused my massive headache last time. Certainly helped, only small headache this time. And even with the changes we were out of there in 3 hours. Then off to see Ella right away for her to fix me up. I did not feel as great as last time leaving Ella. The nausea and haze is pretty strong. But I didn't take anything when I got home...it was starting to pass. Drank Ginger tea, felt better. Had an Epsom salt bath....little bit better. Now snuggled up in bed, ready to take my Ativan and say good night to the world for eight hours.

If you are wondering why I am not talking about the port surgery that was scheduled for this morning it's because I canceled it. I really didn't want it and kept beating myself up that I should get it....and then realized why am I beating myself up, just cancel it. Spoke with Julie over the phone about it on Monday and she said she understood and would cancel but I still needed to keep in mind that if I need it later on, I would have to get it. Also it is safer to have a port when getting the "A" since that is nasty stuff if it got out of your vein. Yes yes I understood it all, just cancel it. If I need it later we can cross that road when we come to it.

Overall today was a little worse than the first time. Probably because I know how shitty I am going to feel in 24 hours. It's like knowing the biggest bully is going to kick your ass at school tomorrow. Sigh. I thought it would be the opposite, because now I know I only feel like garbage for a couple days and then I will start to feel better. But it's awfully hard to rationalize all that when you already feel like garbage.

So off I go to hibernate for the weekend. My parents and Bob are doting on me so I know I will be well taken care of. Could not do this without them. Xoxo