Third time's a charm

Round three was rough.  I've just emerged from spending the last week in bed.  I had my usual 2 day chemo hangover, although a little more brutal this time around (I assumed that maybe it would just get cumulatively more brutal) and then I just couldn't get out from under that cloud.  Everytime I would try to get out of bed my head would spin, I would get dizzy....no good, right back into bed I went.  The fatigue was insane...like nothing I have ever felt.  Resting wasn't helping.  I still made sure to get up every few hours to eat, but as the days went on I was just getting weaker and weaker...and more and more depressed.  All I could think was "oh no, this is how it's going to be from now on" and it was not a great outlook since I have 2 more months to go.  And since I can't watch TV (makes me nauseous) and couldn't read for the first few days (hurts my eyes) I could only lay there...and start to think....which would eventually lead to thoughts of recurrence and my bargaining with the universe "please please please make this work, I can't do this again."  It was not a good week. 

But then last night I thought, god this can't be right....this just feels different from the first two rounds, there must be something wrong.  Am I anemic?  Light research online confirmed my thoughts so last night I downed 10 oz of leafy green juice and one hamburger patty.  Within hours I was feeling better.  And this morning I woke up and RELIEF oh my god my head isn't spinning like it's on a top and I am not wiped out from just walking up the stairs.  I feel stupid that I let it go on so long without calling the doctor.  Especially since it was such an easy fix.  But I honestly thought, well this is just the new normal.  I am so glad I was wrong.

This past Sunday Thomas took his first steps! He was in the den with my parents, holding onto the couch standing up.  I walked in.  He turned to look at me, got a HUGE grin on his face and turned around and took three steps to me.  My heart swooned.  Instant fix for the chemo haze.  We all whooped it up and cheered him on as he continued to try to walk around on his drunk legs.  It was awesome.  So even though this week was a dark one, I had moments of light.