The start of it all...

10 wonderful months ago, Thomas came into our lives.  I was very excited to breastfeed, and through a lot of struggle and persistance, I was able to successfully breastfeed Thomas from the start.  My plan was to make it one year breastfeeding. 

Around the holidays in 2010 I noticed a slight pressure on my right breast.  Anyone who has ever breastfed before knows that your breasts are never really the same as before, so I took this to be a side effect of breastfeeding.  A few weeks later I noticed a lump while breastfeeding.  Again, just thought it was plugged duct from breast feeding and went on to try to unplug it with warm compresses, etc.  It didn't go away.  It didn't change size.  I emailed my doctor who expressed some concern and thought I should come in for an exam.  Life went on, I got "busy" and just didn't get around to making an appointment.  I just didn't think it was anything to be concerned about. 


Finally, almost 3 months after noticing the symptoms, I scheduled an apppointment.  I got an appointment that same day, although not with my regular doctor.  The doctor I saw wanted me to get an ultrasound to get a closer look but when pressed thought that "it was highly unlikely this was something dangerous".  Phew I thought.  The next week I went in for an ultrasound.  I had a wonderful doctor who was joking with me the entire appointment and we were laughing about the perils of breastfeeding (she had just stopped herself).  She found the lump with the ultrasound and printed off a picture to show a surgeon who happened to be in the office at that moment.  The surgeon took one look and thought it looked perfectly normal for a breastfeeding mom.  We were all thinking it was either a cyst or a fibroiadenoma.  Either way, nothing dangerous.  They referred me to a higher resolution ultrasound to take one more closer look.  Luckily I got an appointment that same afternoon with a radiologist.  The higher resolution ultrasound was a whole new world - very serious radiologist, dark room....ominous.  He took one look at the mass and decided not to say much except that he didn't like the way it looked and wanted a biopsy.  My heart sank.  He did a needle core biopsy and said results would be back late next week.  It was a Thursday.  That Monday at work he called.  "I am sorry to have to tell you....."  the rest was kind of a blur as I sat at my desk and tried to write with shaking hands what he was telling me. I had to have him repeat it a few times...invasive ductal carcinoma.  I bombarded him with questions (what stage am I in? what does this mean? has it spread?) but he said he didn't know anything else and that the surgeon's office would call in the next couple of days to schedule an appopintment.  In the next couple of days?!  Didn't they know I have cancer!  Ok, I didn't say that but he heard the panic in my voice and gave me the direct line to the person that does all the appointments then wished me luck.  I quietly broke down in my not so private cube, then grabbed my cell phone to find somewhere to call Bob and my Mom in private.  They were both so strong (we can beat this!) but we were all completely shocked.  The rest of the day was a blur.  Eventually I got an appointment with the surgeon - For FRIDAY.  This was a Monday.  I went the rest of the week anxiously waiting what Friday would tell me. 


Friday came and Bob and I went into the appointment hoping for the best.  The surgeon, Dr Langer, was wonderful and started out the appointment with "this is so treatable".  She spent 1 1/2 hours going over the three main things from the pathology report:  (1)estrogren / progesterone receptor: POSITIVE.  this means that the cancer is responsive to estrogren (2)Her2neu: did not come back with a conclusive positive or negative result.  This would tell us how aggressive the cancer is. (3) nottigham grade: 3.  This is the highest grade, it is on a scale of 1 to 3.  this just means it might be more likely to spread.    The treatments discussed were one of two things: a) lumpectomy followed by 6 wks of radiation or b) mastectomy w/ reconstructive surgery.  My surgery is scheduled for April 6th.  Whether we go fwd with (a) or (b) is partly determined by results from MRI and left side mammogram.  And so the journey begins..