Friends and family, I am so sorry I dropped off the face of
the earth and haven’t posted for OVER SIX MONTHS! The funny thing is that
when I was going through the chemo and radiation, I was constantly reading
blogs of other people going through the same deal, and sometime towards the end
of radiation they all ended….dropped off, no more posts. And I kept thinking
what the *&^%^ happens at the end of radiation?! Do you disappear
into a vortex?! And I vowed I wouldn’t do that. Ooops. Well,
I now know what happens at the end of radiation and why you *poof*
disappear from blog world ….you start to get your life back. And it feels
so good, it feels like stolen time, like you are playing hooky from
school. And you don’t want to post or even think about cancer any
more….it feels like the prison gate that kept you cooped up for the last 7
months is starting to crack open…and all you can do is concentrate on getting
out to the other side.
Well I am firmly on the other side now. I had my 6
month check-up (MRI and mammogram) and both are
CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No signs of anything on either test J Relief.
My hair is shorter than I thought it would be at this
point…..still more of a Michelle Williams than a the long bob I thought I would
have. I only lost my eyelashes / eyebrows fully that one time after
chemo. I started to lose them again about 2+ months later, but didn’t
lose them all….just a light shedding, that came back pretty quickly. My
hair came back pretty much the same as what I had before – not really any
curlier…not really any more white or gray. I started to get mild
lymphedema of the right breast shortly after radiation, so went to several
physical therapy sessions. They tell you that you are getting a
“lymphatic massage” at physical therapy, so I was like – sweet! A
massage! But alas, a lymphatic massage is not really a massage….it’s like
that Friends episode where Ross accidentally accepts one of Phoebe’s massage
clients and massages him with a wooden spoon. No wooden spoon is involved
in lymphatic massage…but you feel just a jipped. It’s more like light
tapping all over your body. The whole time I was thinking – are you
actually doing anything? And I don’t mean to bash it, because I know it
works for some people, but it didn’t work for me. After the 3rd
session, with no change in the lymphedema, the therapist asked – do you have
underwire in your bra? And yes, I did…so about a couple weeks after
changing to non-underwire, POOF no more lymphedema. Easy fix.
I started taking the Tamoxifen last December, a month after
the end of radiation. Dr Kurup wanted to wait a full month from the end
of treatment so that (if possible) we would know if any new side effects were
from Tamoxifen (and not just from the end of radiation or still after effects
of chemo). If you remember, Tamoxifen is the drug that “blocks” estrogen from
feeding the cancer (bonding with the cancer cells). It does not stop
estrogen production in your body. But it can give you similar
symptoms (hot flashes, weight gain, etc etc). I am happy to report that I
have been fairly side effect free with Tamoxifen. Which also means there
is no reason to not continue it for the full 5 years. Now, that is not
saying that I have zero side effects…I just happen to have side effects that
you can live with for 5 years (when the only other option is a higher risk for
recurrence).
I think the most common question I get is – are you all
better now / is it gone? Hard to answer that one….it’s a 2 part answer: yes, and I
don’t know. All better in the short run (no cancer detected on recent MRI
& mammogram), but this is a waiting game. Breast cancer is usually
very slow growing. So I will go every 6 months for an mammogram (every
year for an MRI) and as long as nothing is detected, and I don’t have symptoms,
then we are good to go and nothing further will be done. I have been
prepped heavily by every oncologist that it is VERY COMMON for them to see
“something” on a mammogram or MRI and the rest of my
life could be filled with needless biopsies. All of my scar tissue from
my lumpectomy makes it hard to detect exactly if something is “there”. So
I have to say I was shocked that nothing was found on my recent tests. I
was expecting some sort of follow up tests…..what a nice surprise.
So much (good) has happened over the last 6 months, so it’s hard to wrap it all up in a post. My small victories: I sleep like a baby again (no more nightly ambien!), my thoughts don’t venture over to the dark side of cancer at all anymore, fatigue is completely absolutely gone (I just feel normal working mom tired now J)…in short, life feels normal. And normal I will take.
xoxo
Molly
